This is a funny one. I just had to share it with everyone.
The big problem with “fast” food is that it slows down
when it hits your stomach.
And it just parks there…and lets the fat have time
to get off and apply for citizenship.
SHE LIED ON THE CO WORKING DESK AFTER SHE DRINKED
STAFF TOLD HER SHE NEED TO GET OFF THE DESK
SHE REFUSED TO GET OFF AND STAFF TOLD SHE NEED TO GET OFF AND THERE ARE THREE COACHES OR SOFA CLOSE THE DESK FOR HER REST
I really had to laugh when I saw this. I figure some of you have seen it, but I know others haven’t. My Husand had a good laugh and said I resembled some of these remarks! Here is a lot of household tools and their uses.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.
Really, I haven’t decided who I’m going to vote for in the upcoming elections, but I do find these political jokes funny, no matter who I’m voting for!
A teacher in Lafayette, Tennessee asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans.Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different…again.
Little Johnny said, “Because I’m not an Obama fan.”
The teacher asked, “Why aren’t you an Obama fan?”
Pam’s Notes: I’m sorry, this might be aweful, but you have to admit, it’s funny!
‘CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America . Women admire her because she’s strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.’
- Jay Leno
‘Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of New York . When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible. You know, the one with only seven commandments.’
-David Letterman
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the
country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the
country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country
but don’t really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like
their statistics shown in pie charts.
A guy named Joe, traveling through Mexico on vacation, lost his
wallet and all identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempts to make his
way home but is stopped by the U.S. Customs Agent at the border.
“May I see your identification, please?” asks the agent.
“I’m sorry, but I lost my wallet,” replies the guy.
“Sure buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no entry,” says the agent.
“But I can prove I’m an American!” he exclaims. “I have a picture of Ronald
Reagan tattooed on one butt cheek and George Bush on the other.”
TEXANS . . .
Gabriel went to the Lord and said, “I have to talk to you. We have some Texans up here who are causing problems….They’re swinging on the Pearly Gates, My horn is missing, and they are wearing T-shirts instead of robes; There’s barbecue sauce and picante sauce all over everything, especially their T-shirts; their dogs are riding in the chariots and chasing the sheep; they are wearing baseball caps and cowboy hats instead of their halos.”
“They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clean, and their boots are marking and scratching up the halls of Wisdom. There is watermelon seeds and tortilla chip crumbs all over the place. Some of them are walking around with just one wing; and they insist on bringing their horses with them.”
A young boy had just gotten his driver’s license and asked his father if
they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he’d make a deal
with his son. “You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study
your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we’ll talk about the car.”
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he’d settle for the
offer and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said,
“Son, I’ve been real proud. You brought your grades up and I’ve observed
that you have been studying your Bible, but I’m real disappointed you
didn’t get your hair cut.”
A cocky U.S. Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a farm
and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, “I need to inspect
your farm.”
The old farmer said, “OK, but don’t go in that field right over yonder.”
The Agriculture representative said, “Mister, I have the authority of
the United States Government with me. See this card? The card means I
am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No
questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you
understand!”
The farmer nodded politely and went about his farm chores.
Hi and WELCOME to Stay At Home Mom Diary. Forgetting the silly URL, this blog is about tips and strategies for Stay at home Moms and yes, I'll post some of those annoying junk emails! LOL
