Archive for the 'Humor' Category

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The 5 Little Pigs

Thursday, February 26th, 2009

Okay, this is an old joke, but I still find it funny. Sent in by one of my long time friends. Hope you find it as funny as I do.

A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.

At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, and find a field in which to let the pigs mate. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove the thirty miles.

Continue reading... The 5 Little Pigs (271 words, estimated 1:05 mins reading time)

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If Texas Were To Secede From the United States

Thursday, December 4th, 2008

My friend who lives in Texas sent me this email. Funny!

THE COUNTRY OF TEXAS

Please note that Texas is the only state with a legal right to secede from the Union.
(Reference the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of 1848.)

We Texans love y’all, but we’ll probably have to take action since Obama won the election.
We’ll miss you too.

Here is what can happen:

#1: Barack Obama becomes President of the United States.
Texas immediately secedes from the USA.
#2: George W. Bush will become the President of the Republic of Texas .

Continue reading... If Texas Were To Secede From the United States (635 words, estimated 2:32 mins reading time)

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The Truth About Fast Food

Friday, August 15th, 2008

This is a funny one. I just had to share it with everyone.

The big problem with “fast” food is that it slows down
when it hits your stomach.
And it just parks there…and lets the fat have time
to get off and apply for citizenship.

Related Posts
Continue reading... The Truth About Fast Food (135 words, estimated 32 secs reading time)

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How Airline Passengers Should Not Act!

Monday, August 11th, 2008
I just got this email the other day from a friend of mine who works for a major airlines. Seems like all we hear about is how the airlines are insensitive. But there are many, many stories of airline passengers and their stupid antics! This is one of those silly airlline passenger stories!
The airline passenger in this story was coming back home from Beijing. This is what the Chinese airline agent documented about the unruly and drunken passenger.

SHE LIED ON THE CO WORKING DESK AFTER SHE DRINKED
STAFF TOLD HER SHE NEED TO GET OFF THE DESK
SHE REFUSED TO GET OFF AND STAFF TOLD SHE NEED TO GET OFF AND THERE ARE THREE COACHES OR SOFA CLOSE THE DESK FOR HER REST

Continue reading... How Airline Passengers Should Not Act! (506 words, estimated 2:01 mins reading time)

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Common Household Tools and Their Uses

Thursday, May 22nd, 2008

I really had to laugh when I saw this. I figure some of you have seen it, but I know others haven’t. My Husand had a good laugh and said I resembled some of these remarks! Here is a lot of household tools and their uses.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.

Continue reading... Common Household Tools and Their Uses (987 words, estimated 3:57 mins reading time)

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Political Joke

Monday, May 5th, 2008

Really, I haven’t decided who I’m going to vote for in the upcoming elections, but I do find these political jokes funny, no matter who I’m voting for!

A teacher in Lafayette, Tennessee asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans.

Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.

The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different…again.

Little Johnny said, “Because I’m not an Obama fan.”

The teacher asked, “Why aren’t you an Obama fan?”

Continue reading... Political Joke (252 words, estimated 1:00 mins reading time)

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Hillary Clinton

Thursday, August 9th, 2007

Pam’s Notes: I’m sorry, this might be aweful, but you have to admit, it’s funny! 

‘CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America .  Women admire her because she’s strong and successful.  Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.’
- Jay Leno

‘Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from  the great state of New York .  When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible.  You know, the one with only seven commandments.’
-David Letterman

Continue reading... Hillary Clinton (664 words, estimated 2:39 mins reading time)

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What Newspaper Do You Read?

Tuesday, July 31st, 2007

You are what you read! What newspaper do you read?

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the
country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the
country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country
but don’t really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like
their statistics shown in pie charts.

Continue reading... What Newspaper Do You Read? (414 words, estimated 1:39 mins reading time)

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Traveling Through Mexico

Friday, July 27th, 2007

Traveling Through Mexico On Vacation 

A guy named Joe, traveling through Mexico on vacation, lost his
wallet and all identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempts to make his
way home but is stopped by the U.S. Customs Agent at the border.

“May I see your identification, please?” asks the agent.
“I’m sorry, but I lost my wallet,” replies the guy.

“Sure buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no entry,” says the agent.

“But I can prove I’m an American!” he exclaims. “I have a picture of Ronald
Reagan tattooed on one butt cheek and George Bush on the other.”

Continue reading... Traveling Through Mexico (226 words, estimated 54 secs reading time)

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Texans – You Gotta Love Them!

Friday, July 13th, 2007

TEXANS . . .

Gabriel went to the Lord and said, “I have to talk to you. We have some Texans up here who are causing problems….They’re swinging on the Pearly Gates, My horn is missing, and they are wearing T-shirts instead of robes; There’s barbecue sauce and picante sauce all over everything, especially their T-shirts; their dogs are riding in the chariots and chasing the sheep; they are wearing baseball caps and cowboy hats instead of their halos.”
“They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clean, and their boots are marking and scratching up the halls of Wisdom. There is watermelon seeds and tortilla chip crumbs all over the place. Some of them are walking around with just one wing; and they insist on bringing their horses with them.”

Continue reading... Texans – You Gotta Love Them! (365 words, estimated 1:28 mins reading time)

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